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CompulsionWrath descends down from the heavens
To live as glowing embers in my soul
What is a conscious, constant problem
The burning rage now building up inside me
When the world just falls apart
Ruptures that deem nowhere is safe
Cannot decide between the options
A burning hate so prophesied inside me
You're making it hard to be human
You've always made it impossible feel stable
Why this has ever happened makes no sense to me
I mustn't clue you in to
The agony you stretch so thin
I'm better off without you
It's just the game I've forced myself to master
But I suppose I have to up the dose
I'm not myself if I'm not living in decay
Our vicious cycle resurrected
You've always made me lie to myself too well
Intermittent, my vain approach shall wait
Placed back where I was before, as kingpin to
The shrouded everything around, seen
I may create them but my lies are wearing me
DistressesSo many mysteries of life, too shrouded
What will I become?
You are all I need for now
But I just cannot say it
Not to you or myself
Killing off my dreams
I can't seem to stay alive
These wistful words of confusion
Is it too late to cancel the world?
Reduced to sickly heaving every try
What is this life?
I feel you'll leave again
I'll never forget the pained whisper
Leaving myself behind
You couldn't have come at a better and yet much worse time
I wish to be relieved
Everything has become far too much for me
Have I said it yet?
Didn't think so, no
I left in pain
Willing to reclaim a friend
What's made me do this?
RememberThe world has ended
And I'm alone
To think I was dying
But yet not, now so prone
To confusion and helplessness
So tired and in distress
I scream for a message
Someone save me
What am I to do
To pick up these pieces
I cannot believe this
That you'd strike me so true
I cannot deny it
You've broken me again
I didn't think it was possible
Have I been deciev-ed again?
I do not understand
This adult life anymore
I do not comprehend
What living is, past my door
Dying in myself
Convulsing in paranoia
You bested me this time
I thought I had won
And I really had, too
But then you came
And downed me, damn you
I want to believe
Is it lies or just truth?
I'm vying for reason
Why is this so you?
SicknessHow could you deny
Such an unforgivable lie
The lie you forced me to live
That was then
The dire end
Is final; Leave me alone
Why must you persist
I do nothing but resist
I cannot seem to escape your terror
Stay away, lest I kill
Does my hatred fit the bill?
Move yourself back to nonexistence
I plot and plan for days ahead
To decide upon this dread
Fate must be working against me
Morose ConfusionI've held my candle up to you, to beg for some sliver of recognition
Digress back to the original point of interest, and so I go with the flow
The conversations are the same, but I prize them anyway
Not sure you care that all I want is something better
Something slightly more interesting to outshine all our normality
But it's all the same to you, and I prize it anyway
I try to stray, to draw your attention to other things
It works for a bit, and I'm content
Then I say something to tip you off and it's back to business as usual
If it's all the same to you, I'll prize it anyway
I went with my gut and threw myself out
Exposed my own truth to you, to hopefully make you see
And you noticed, or so I thought, but you've not brought it up since
All I wanted was something different to outshine the normality
I paid my verbal due to show you my respect
But it seems like everything else is irrelevant
I prize it anyway
Too scared to reiterate my simple wish,
I've sensed a sort of avoidance
MonetizeIf I had a dollar for every suicidal thought
Maybe I would not be such a failure
Wailing so distraught
If I had a quarter for all the times I have receded
I think I'd be wealthy enough
For happiness to come as needed
If I had a dime for every time life was without meaning
In time I could probably come close
To finding out I was just dreaming
If I had a nickel for every second I was bored
Nothing plain and never pain
Could stab through me as a sword
'Twas I given a penny in my moments of despair
I'd pay to disappear forever
No joy and fellowship would I ever share
But alas, none of these things could come to be
So solitary on this path I stay
Confused on whether I'm truly free
FailureI'll never know what I said
To make you go right out of your head
Then you left me for dead
And I was just breaking bread
With the evil
I can only be me
Only wanted to be free
You didn't have to believe
Anything I'd ever preach
But I'm sorry
It was not good enough for me to see you cry
Day after day it was a lesson in the art of war
Friendship is nothing to a scheming whore
The monsters of my worst fear came alive
Now twas up to me to retreat or retry
That cadaver's magicks infested your mind
Left in silent sacrificial sabotage, deleting all our time
It used to be a journey towards a prosperous life
But the league of you and me would lead to insanity
It came with no meaning to wish you'd die
For I could only try, but why..?
Never figured out who was really to blame
Never saw the light of the deviant point of our stray
Why should something have to end that way?
Abscond from this unwanted hate
Tired of submission to the cruelty of fate
Regret is a bitch
Brutal Truth(Please note that when I say 'you' here, it's directed to everyone who has been, is, or had tried to bring me down, ruin my life, et cetera.)
How am I supposed to explain that some days I just do not want to get out of bed because of the crushing pain I feel? There are days that I do not even feel like living, I don't see how I could get my parents to understand that. They're constantly angry at me, pretending they care. Yes, I know I'm a failure, you don't need to remind me. I don't think my drugged up mother could understand that I quite honestly want to die right when I wake up. My father is completely ignorant to the fact I'd rather just lay in bed all day and cry, some days. But I forget that none of this matters, that I have to somehow find the strength to carry on, I have to somehow force myself to get out and pretend my life means something. I don't know how I'm supposed to explain it to anyone. I type it all out perfectly well, but mercy on me if I have to speak it. I don't ge
ReleaseI apologize for my existence
Keeps getting in your way
What good is it to anyone?
And yet, I cannot think of any day
You didn't smile and merely side-step
And avoid me completely
I'm too foolish for you
You never cared to look at me
Didn't bother to answer anything
My concerns were just too petty
And that kept you happy
Knowing always that you were better
No matter how I'd flit and fetter
Saying how I'd never changed
And that suited you, that forceful frame
Suddenly my use was gone
You gave no warning, gave no sign
So when I pained myself for you
As I always had, t'was your fun
Now found too unremarkable
Far too ordinary, overdone
I didn't know what had happened
Until it was too late, past the setting sun
Everyone was a bully somehowWe've probably all bullied someone at some point, no matter how much we deny it. Whether directly through angry, thoughtless comments, or indirectly by standing aside and saying nothing, we've all been a part of this horrible practice. We didn't mean for it to hurt, but it did.
Sure, everyone hates that annoying kid who constantly yells "I'm single!" whenever someone's talking about relationship problems, but that doesn't mean you have to pick on him.
Sure, everyone judges that girl for her lengthy dating history and skimpy clothing, but that doesn't mean you should call her a slut.
Sure, that somehow-popular guy bullies everyone, but that doesn't mean you have to be mean to him in return.
Sure, that girl isn't as athletic as the rest of the team, but that doesn't mean you should refuse to acknowledge her very existence for years on end.
So what do you do?
Be that one person who apologizes for bullying the poor kid. Tell people that enough is enough. Listen to him (although maybe you'r
popsicleSummer forever frozen
An orange popsicle
Sold from an icebox
dry and vaporous
atop a tricycle
Four tingling bells
rung by the little man pedaling at the back
announcing the coming
Framed in trees
always green in the light of the sun
Lancelot Price 2014 August 26
No crappy songs on a loudspeaker loop
just the sweet sweet cold refreshment
I will always live there.
Camp McCall Memories: Battle of the Bear
I was asked once again to share a story of Camp McCall and my adventures there as a staffer with you guys. Oh trust me…I have a lot to share! But the tricky part is just thinking of which ones to talk about that would be entertaining and that I could easily explain. But the more I think about it…there is one story in particular that always jumps out at me. As I look back on it now, it was very funny…but at the time, there was nothing funny about this. In fact, I was quite scared. I can sum up what happened in just one sentence…one solitary grouping of words:
“Did you know I fought a bear?”
Now before you all start calling me a liar and saying it’s a lot of bull that I fought a bear, I want to make two things clear. First is that black bears are very common in the mountains of South Carolina, and we actually have rules at camp that keep kids from taking snacks into their cabins because it attracts them. Second of all, black bears are not
On Gender Dysphoria“Why do you always dress like a boy?”
Confused, I looked up from where I was pulling my shoes on. “I’m sorry?” I asked, frowning at my mum where she was washing dishes at the sink.
“You,” she said, turning to me and leaning back against the bench. “Why do you always insist on dressing like a boy?”
“I… don’t,” I replied hesitantly, still confused.
“Yes, you do. You’re always dressing like a boy, or wanting to. Why?”
Thinking for a moment, I remember Shaylah’s sixteenth birthday party, 60’s themed, which I’d wanted to attend as a classic gangster. Then, I remembered last weekend, when I’d gone to the Sugar City Comicon, dressed as Femlock, then looked down at myself now, wearing a black dress shirt and slacks for Film Friday of the school’s Spirit Week, probably the best, most entertaining week of the year. “Not really.”
“But you do! Why c
Funny Antics: Children: Part 1I'm in the process of changing to a new job, but, like with most jobs, you do collect those few little laughs. And with children these moments are always dancing around waiting to be caught and savoured. So, whilst this is not a formal piece of writing, there are a few little examples of what I've collected over some time.
1. Child: When I first started I was worried you would be the mean one.
Me: Me?! What made you think that?
Child: Because you were the room leader, and you never did your hair.. it was always in ponytails.
Me: And now?
Child: Well you're my favourite, I soon got to know you
(Really I should have stopped here)
Me: But.. but.. I STILL wear the pony tails.
Child: Oh yeah, I know, don't get me wrong, your hair still like, seriously needs a doctor or something! You honestly can't spend your life just in pony tails! Who even still wears them these days? It's sooooo uncool.
Well. That Tells Me. AND WHAT'S WRONG WITH PONYTAILS!?!?!? D: It was like getting a lecture off my mu
I Never Even Got to Say Goodbye (Marcello)Once upon a time, in Kindergarten, I had a friend. His name was Marcello. We were the best friends, as we would always play together, talk to each other, and, of course, get in trouble together. Then, one day, Marcello announced that he was moving. I saw him gather his stuff and walk out the door. It hit me hard. I felt as if I'd never see him again.
Fortunately, I got his new address.
One day (I was in first grader at the time), I went to his new house. It felt really good seeing him again. We played Sonic and did a bunch of other random crap. I believe on that visit Marcello got scolded by his mom for complaining about something. I felt bad seeing him sad. Eventually, the bittersweet visit ended as I had to go home.
A little while later, something terrible happened.
My mother had heard from Marcello's mother that he and his father were in a car crash and had to go to the hospital. I was shocked. He could've been dead or something, for all I know.
It turned out that nothing serious ha
confessions full of jack 20I do not go to the hair dressers that often and I get my nails done only once in a while. Don't get me wrong; I do comb my hair every day, and care about being presentable. I do cut and file my nails regularly and put on nail polish if I feel like it. I just do not go to a place of business to get these things done to me. People think it is because I think badly of women who visit those places often. More than a few people have commented "Yes, you are not vain," to me after I told them I do not have such an habit; thinking they are actually paying me a compliment. I do not connect all hairdresser visits with being vain. Maybe I might connect it with conformity; conforming to the society's standards of how a woman should look like. But I am aware how hard it is to ignore those standards while trying to survive in this system. Women are expected to look nice. Well, no, not just expected; it is demanded of us. And it takes time to look nice. It takes even longer if you try to do it all on
Sara's Stories: Nanook On The RoofSara's Stories | Episode 8: Nanook On The Roof
It's been a good while since I've posted a memoir story, and I thought of a good one.
Back in 1997 and 1998, I had to stay at a daycare while my parents were at work, and I would often bring a favorite toy of mine to play with and help me feel less lonesome. One day, I decided to take my plush Nanook the Husky (an original Ty Beanie Baby) with me to the daycare. All was going quite well for me and Nanook... until I went outside after lunch.
There was a boy in my class who wanted to borrow Nanook so he could play with him for a few minutes. ...I was actually rather reluctant to do so from the start, but to be fair to him, I said yes, as long as he would properly return Nanook to me when he was done.
Soon after I lent Nanook to that boy, he began tossing Nanook in the air and then catching him as he came back down. But unfortunately, he began walking close to the side of t
Birthdays of past and presentHe sat in the dining room, alone for the minute. He hadn't been as happy for his birthday for many a year. Just days before he had done everything he could to weasel himself out of the lunch that was offered to him, to celebrate a day that had only brought sadness as long as he could remember. He couldn't help reminisce and glance through the window of his past that he had boxed up so as never to relive those days. He hadn't told her why he originally said no, passing it off as his own insecurity in turning 30 and the stigma that so often comes with it. He consoled himself in the fact that even though it was the least of the reasons, it was as promised, the truth.
After making sure they had enough alcohol, the boys stood on the mountain in a semi circle to toast the fact that it was but 5 minutes until he was allowed to drink. The air smelled like spring veld grass and marijuana, still cold with the last remnants of winter that only showed themselves in the wee hours of the morning. He
Perils of LifeEveryone is so god damned fake. You say you missed me, and then make no hesitation to leave me once more. I try to open up and talk about things I've bottled, things that have begun to fester inside, but then anyone I try to let any of it out to disappears. I think I'm really losing it.
My scars make shadows upon my wrists. Small, but just enough to make them pop, enough to make them seem even larger than their already noticeable size. As if I needed even more of a reminder, or an enhancement to the same reminder, of what I already regret and want to pretend isn't there, or ever was.
I lie awake these recent nights, sobbing, reaching out for anyone who isn't there beside me. Each time I open my tear-clouded eyes and witness firsthand the predictable emptiness, I curl up, remembering that my hope was pitifully vain.
Smiles, everywhere. Not one for me, never one upon me. My invisibility proves its existence every day I arrive at school. I did not wish for this. I never wanted this. My ha
AndromedaAmongst the darkened skies
Brightened by only starlight
Field & Sea.
Gravity is only an afterthought
Hilltops become ladders into the sky while
Inferior planets stare down upon the Earth
Jealous of such simplicity yet contemplating grandeur.
Keppler only thought of science
Linear, elliptical, movement…
Mythology had no such thoughts
Neptune & Nebulas both inhabit space
Orbiting across the lonely darkness
Probably never worried about mundane things
Questioning their existence
Right now or for all eternity such as us.
Shooting stars make us joyful while
Terminator is an otherworldly spectacle
Unknown to all those hidden in their houses
Various stars await us outside
Waiting to play like we did before
Xenagogue & inviting
Youthful but ancient curiosities.
Zenith induced euphoria continues until daylight…
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Endorell-Taelos is very well known within the community for her selfless giving and gracious community spirit. Since joining DeviantART over seven years ago, Alicia has continued to make a positive impact on many deviants. Her helpful and thoughtful approach was one of her finest attributes when serving as a Community Volunteer, and this has continued throughout the many contests which Alicia provides on a regular basis. As we approach our Birthday celebrations, we can't... Read More