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DistressesSo many mysteries of life, too shrouded
What will I become?
You are all I need for now
But I just cannot say it
Not to you or myself
Killing off my dreams
I can't seem to stay alive
This is wistful words of confusion
Is it too late to cancel the world?
Reduced to sickly heaving every try
What is this life?
I feel you'll leave again
I'll never forget the pained whisper
Leaving myself behind
You couldn't have come at a better and yet much worse time
I wish to be relieved
Everything has become far too much for me
Have I said it yet?
Didn't think so, no
I left in pain
Willing to reclaim a friend
What's made me do this?
RememberThe world has ended
And I'm alone
To think I was dying
But yet not, now so prone
To confusion and helplessness
So tired and in distress
I scream for a message
Someone save me
What am I to do
To pick up these pieces
I cannot believe this
That you'd strike me so true
I cannot deny it
You've broken me again
I didn't think it was possible
Have I been deciev-ed again?
I do not understand
This adult life anymore
I do not comprehend
What living is, past my door
Dying in myself
Convulsing in paranoia
You bested me this time
I thought I had won
And I really had, too
But then you came
And downed me, damn you
I want to believe
Is it lies or just truth?
I'm vying for reason
Why is this so you?
SicknessHow could you deny
Such an unforgivable lie
The lie you forced me to live
That was then
The dire end
Is final; Leave me alone
Why must you persist
I do nothing but resist
I cannot seem to escape your terror
Stay away, lest I kill
Does my hatred fit the bill?
Move yourself back to nonexistence
I plot and plan for days ahead
To decide upon this dread
Fate must be working against me
Morose ConfusionI've held my candle up to you, to beg for some sliver of recognition
Digress back to the original point of interest, and so I go with the flow
The conversations are the same, but I prize them anyway
Not sure you care that all I want is something better
Something slightly more interesting to outshine all our normality
But it's all the same to you, and I prize it anyway
I try to stray, to draw your attention to other things
It works for a bit, and I'm content
Then I say something to tip you off and it's back to business as usual
If it's all the same to you, I'll prize it anyway
I went with my gut and threw myself out
Exposed my own truth to you, to hopefully make you see
And you noticed, or so I thought, but you've not brought it up since
All I wanted was something different to outshine the normality
I paid my verbal due to show you my respect
But it seems like everything else is irrelevant
I prize it anyway
Too scared to reiterate my simple wish,
I've sensed a sort of avoidance
MonetizeIf I had a dollar for every suicidal thought
Maybe I would not be such a failure
Wailing so distraught
If I had a quarter for all the times I have receded
I think I'd be wealthy enough
For happiness to come as needed
If I had a dime for every time life was without meaning
In time I could probably come close
To finding out I was just dreaming
If I had a nickel for every second I was bored
Nothing plain and never pain
Could stab through me as a sword
'Twas I given a penny in my moments of despair
I'd pay to disappear forever
No joy and fellowship would I ever share
But alas, none of these things could come to be
So solitary on this path I stay
Confused on whether I'm truly free
FailureI'll never know what I said
To make you go right out of your head
Then you left me for dead
And I was just breaking bread
With the evil
I can only be me
Only wanted to be free
You didn't have to believe
Anything I'd ever preach
But I'm sorry
It was not good enough for me to see you cry
Day after day it was a lesson in the art of war
Friendship is nothing to a scheming whore
The monsters of my worst fear came alive
Now twas up to me to retreat or retry
That cadaver's magicks infested your mind
Left in silent sacrificial sabotage, deleting all our time
It used to be a journey towards a prosperous life
But the league of you and me would lead to insanity
It came with no meaning to wish you'd die
For I could only try, but why..?
Never figured out who was really to blame
Never saw the light of the deviant point of our stray
Why should something have to end that way?
Abscond from this unwanted hate
Tired of submission to the cruelty of fate
Regret is a bitch
Brutal Truth(Please note that when I say 'you' here, it's directed to everyone who has been, is, or had tried to bring me down, ruin my life, et cetera.)
How am I supposed to explain that some days I just do not want to get out of bed because of the crushing pain I feel? There are days that I do not even feel like living, I don't see how I could get my parents to understand that. They're constantly angry at me, pretending they care. Yes, I know I'm a failure, you don't need to remind me. I don't think my drugged up mother could understand that I quite honestly want to die right when I wake up. My father is completely ignorant to the fact I'd rather just lay in bed all day and cry, some days. But I forget that none of this matters, that I have to somehow find the strength to carry on, I have to somehow force myself to get out and pretend my life means something. I don't know how I'm supposed to explain it to anyone. I type it all out perfectly well, but mercy on me if I have to speak it. I don't ge
ReleaseI apologize for my existence
Keeps getting in your way
What good is it to anyone?
And yet, I cannot think of any day
You didn't smile and merely side-step
And avoid me completely
I'm too foolish for you
You never cared to look at me
Didn't bother to answer anything
My concerns were just too petty
And that kept you happy
Knowing always that you were better
No matter how I'd flit and fetter
Saying how I'd never changed
And that suited you, that forceful frame
Suddenly my use was gone
You gave no warning, gave no sign
So when I pained myself for you
As I always had, t'was your fun
Now found too unremarkable
Far too ordinary, overdone
I didn't know what had happened
Until it was too late, past the setting sun
CryoverseAlone and deaf in a world that hates me
In a whisper, I recede.
Never rise into the light
Fire comes with determination
Whisk me away, afar...
But I surrender my absence,
Nothing to accomplish here;
So serene with apathy and doubt.
Humbled anger -
And naught for tomorrow.
Can I exist in silent singularity?
Or, maybe, cease in monotony...
My wings unfold.
Chronicle of a Past WinterThere has been only a few moments in my life where I have truly felt alive. The following bit of writing is a small chronicle detailing one of those events:
Four years ago this December, I was a very different person than the person who sits here writing this today. I was 16 and a junior at a local high school. I was skinny as a twig after lots of weight in during the previous year.
The year had been up and down. I had fallen in and out of love with a girl who was more confusing than a rubik's cube. A month after our break up, I lost my grandpa. He had always been an inspiration to me and he had always shown me how powerful knowledge really can be. I want to be the kind of man he was and I will never forget the impact he had on my life. Somehow in all of it I managed to stay sane and grind my way through day-by-day and month-by-month.
The first four months of school flew by fast. My Chinese improved rapidly as I took up as a teacher's assistant with my Chinese teacher. I was att
The SunflowerMy grandpa had a garden
It was the most magical thing I had ever known
And is probably the reason I love nature so much now
When I was little, he would take me outside to his fields, where rows of beautiful flowers, plump tomatoes, and so much more were planted in straight rows. Behind that was a green patch where an Indian tribe had made their home for what seemed like a very, very long time. We found arrow heads scattered almost everywhere, and even the occasional bone or two. Nearly all of my childhood memories resided in his yard. Well, either there or his kitchen. But thats a different story
I remember going to the store with him, hand in hand. We picked out seeds for the years crops. He would get the seeds packs he needed, and I got the seeds packs that had pictures I didn't know, because "I wanted to see every plant that ever existed." My words exactly. My grandpa would laugh and tell me there was way to many plants for that kind of dream, but I still wanted to try. I had always
Singer and PlayerGuitar Playing
" Baby I'm going to leave you"
Maybe I don't understand subtle.
But I sang your tunes
Listened to your blues.
Sometimes, making music
was the only way I could talk to you
the ache in my heart was so loud
that I thought you had plucked it out,
and played with my veins
the most beautiful melody
but would never let me hear it
I wonder constantly
What am I supposed to do?
But I still sang
like a little caged bird
trapped in the hollow of your guitar.
Sun and MoonSome days I can't sleep
Smell your cologne in my sleep
Remember my childish squealing
Remember that now I'm still healing
From the cigarette burns,
that you left on my heart,
From the pills that were left in me
Poison from the start.
Do you remember,
the first time we met?
Eyes across the hallway
and the beating of my heart
Just like your guitar
and the squealing of the
children around you.
Oh the irony
Maybe I'll tell you one day.
But did you count
every day that went by?
because I know that I counted
every sleepless night
When I wondered where you'd gone
and if you were alright.
And the what if's that drove me crazy
and your motives that were unknown.
I swear I'm coming to California,
as soon as I get home.
If we'll still be able to get along.
Even if the time difference
is so wrong.
Can we still get tattooed?
If I don't speak to you.
If I can't trust you.
And the future
is so bright
Like the way I
Togliere il disturboNon fu straordinaria, speciale;
fu una storia come tante altre,
eppure merita d'esser scritta,
e stavolta almeno non per gli occhi di tutti.
Si vide e pensò che era ora di avere di più; subito rifletté e concluse che quel "di più" così vago aveva poco senso ma il solo averlo pensato le fece assaggiare la disperazione di ciò che non aveva e dentro di lei creava continue assenze che, seppur invisibili a chi le stava intorno, non lasciavano mai del tutto il suo sguardo che spesso puntava al nulla che le sembrava sempre troppo lontano.
Nel giro di pochi mesi, le sue condizioni divennero però manifeste e non poté nasconderle; la sua capacità di dissimulare divenne così flebile, tanto quanto la sua forza di inghiottire l'aria; si sentiva soffocare; letteralmente.
Preoccupati, più per educazione che per affetto, chi le stava accanto si prodigò affinché fosse curata; chi la visitò disse che in lei
Price 3 i 4PRIČA BROJ 3 – TRI DANA KADA SE U ZAGREBU OSKUPILO PREKO 14 TISUĆA OSOBA NA JEDNOM VAŽNOM SKUPU
Moja obitelj i ja smo Jehovini svjedoci. Svim Jehovinim svjedocima su važni veliki skupovi koji se održavaju tri puta godišnje. Jedan od njih se održava u ljetnim mjesecima i traje tri dana. Taj skup zovemo regionalni kongres Jehovnih svjedoka (do prije nekog vremena se zvao oblasni kongres Jehovinih svjedoka). Na njemu prisustvuju Jehovini svjedoci iz jedne države ili jednog dijela neke države. Ponekad se regionalni kongresi organiziraju tako da su na njih pozvani i delegati iz drugih zemalja te se isti govori iznose na jezicima delegata koji su pozvani da prisustvuju tom skupu. To su međunarodni kongresi Jehovinih svjedoka. U Zagrebu se redovito, svake godine, održavaju regionalni kongresi i na njima prisustvuje oko četiri tisuće osoba. Također, u Zagrebu se održao i jedan međunarodni kongres, a na
The Day of Dread 7/20/2014I've had some bad days. I think we all have. But never, have I ever, had a day as bad as 7/20/2014. Let's start with the interesting events of the night before!
I went to the bar with my dear friend Charlie, and we sang some karaoke and drank some drinks. Was an interesting night.. Had a drunk guy come up behind me, kiss the back of my head, grope the bartender and get 86'd. A bit later, outside with my buddy and I'm making the predator noise. This chick starts getting in my face, telling me "you're done. Go home. Get the fuck gone." I find this humorous as she is trying to be threatening and can't even hold herself up. A man that works at the bar told her to back up, and to stop being a bitch. Ends at that? Nope. After closing my tab and going out to my truck to leave (TACOS AHOY!) the girl that was in my face and her cousin start screaming at a car load of people for no reason. Charlie is already on his way out, but I stick around to make sure the two bartenders, who are really frail
In Lieu of Saying GoodbyeWhen you’re full you must become empty
When you’re empty you must become full
Without either of those things, you will not have the other
And to appreciate being full, you must know how it is to be empty
And that , in the end, both are temporary states.
And neither will last
Love is both being empty and being full.
It is flying so high, and still being able to touch the ground
It is fighting and making up.
It is being the best of friends, even though it’s only been a few months.
It is holding hands and skipping
It is sharing music
It is comforting each other when it’s all going to hell.
It is the little promises that are made and that can’t be kept.
It is the big promises that are made and fulfilled
It is the experiences you have, the places you go, the books you read, the things you watch and the music you listen to,
But most of all, it is the people you cherish and hold in your heart, even when they’re gone
Love is being empty and being full.
My Swimming StoryThis is a piece of my life that I’ve been keeping locked away for a long time. I don’t really like to open up about personal stories, but for the sake of people I hold dear, I wished to share it.
I hope you can glean something from it; whether that be inspiration, understanding, comfort, or anything you might need most internally in your life right now.
This is my Swimming Story.
I had been a competitive swimmer since age 5 (though I really started swimming when I was 4. I have one of those awesome moms that signs her kid up for everything in town; dance, soccer, drawing, sculpting, crafts, piano, violin, cello, track, debate, horseback riding heck even foreign policy for toddlers… I did just about everything our little town had to offer, but that’s a different story).
Swimming came pretty natural for me. I always loved the water, even at the end of spring and start of fall; I was the first one in
Perils of LifeEveryone is so god damned fake. You say you missed me, and then make no hesitation to leave me once more. I try to open up and talk about things I've bottled, things that have begun to fester inside, but then anyone I try to let any of it out to disappears. I think I'm really losing it.
My scars make shadows upon my wrists. Small, but just enough to make them pop, enough to make them seem even larger than their already noticeable size. As if I needed even more of a reminder, or an enhancement to the same reminder, of what I already regret and want to pretend isn't there, or ever was.
I lie awake these recent nights, sobbing, reaching out for anyone who isn't there beside me. Each time I open my tear-clouded eyes and witness firsthand the predictable emptiness, I curl up, remembering that my hope was pitifully vain.
Smiles, everywhere. Not one for me, never one upon me. My invisibility proves its existence every day I arrive at school. I did not wish for this. I never wanted this. My ha
Southern modernizationBlack comedy market economy, banana peel political humour, cards with the cartels, the solution free room service and credit the union. Bolivar twist, ding dong dollar under control, valley of the coin desert with no value. Gangsta paradise, the victims are the people. Big mac and cold conflict interference a part of it all. In little Mexico you’d need a high horse to jump the great border wall that boasts its peak.
Viracocha melts waters unlike those it rose from, making waves of out of metal oceans to overtake the current south, re-steel, re-take, tech-mechs the entire south into neo-Machu Picchu, cyberpunk music moulding, reshaping old society into an new age, iron dynasty, fresh coat for an old, ancient look. The coattails of Quetzalcoatl if he were a modern man pull together the merge of future and long passed past..techno temples and the like.
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